Growing Up

Been into alot of thinking about a certain topic recently. What is growing up and what will one lose and gain during that period of time. From one who was carefree,not even caring about anything,to the one now who needs to think before doing anything. How long has this journey took? Was it a happy one,or was it one filled with tears and unhappiness. Glad to say,both of them happened in my life.


Saw in one of my friend's blog just now. She said that she finds the children she teaches in the school carefree,find them almost irresistable to be with. Wonder if i was like what one of those kids were when i was young. From the time that i only care about living my life in peace to the current life of thinking whether life is something good or not,many things have changed. And i do know one thing. Nothing is reversible. I really do not know whether i should feel happy or sad knowing that these memories,both fond and heartbreaking,is currently in my head. I'm suddenly feeling sad that i have grown to what i've become. I really wish to find back the child in me,the truly innocent and pure child. Let my wounds heal and be gone. Yet i do know that these things are like the wind,always here,coming to you when you least expect it. Or is it because of my persistent not to let it go and find peace in wherever it wishes to find? Somehow i feel that i had grown old,too old for my age to even comprehend why am i seeking all these feelings that i know that i will never be able to find again.


Ever since i started to seek this path of finding myself in this lost and crazy world,i feel that i've really changed alot. For the better and for the worse. Sometimes,i really loathe the me that i have become,one who thinks more about themselves,and less for the others. Is this really the true me that i have always been? Sometimes it makes me feel blur and hurt to even think about them. I really wish to last myself into the real me,yet at the same time,the real me feels so much like a stranger that it makes me shudder to even think that this is truly what i am. Is this stranger one who will make me feel more like myself,or is this making me feel like i am not only losing myself,but also many other things that i truly treasure? I'm really vexed,what is the truth in my heart.