Finding The Old Song Once Again

Been listening to the old songs that i've loved ever since the past. Suddenly, I was surrounded by the feelings that i've felt in the past. The feeling of getting infatuated, the times when all cares seem to be gone. I've found out that I've really lost a lot of what I had in the past, especially the song which I had fallen in love with. Not as in the song I felt in love, but the song which reminds me of how I had fallen in love with the first girl I had 'loved'. The words in inverted commas are because I wasn't sure whether I was really in love or infatuated with the girl for 4 years, or maybe even more than that. How had those time seems so new yet so old.

Up till now, I have also missed out many of the 'classics' that i deemed them to be. I will always know the lyrics and tune of the songs, even though i have already forgotten the title of the songs. Some I have never even know the names when I heard them. Everytime the songs start, I will find the feelings once again, giving me the feeling of nostalgia once again. How it makes me feel the impact and the power of the songs. Oh my, how I wish I can find out the feelings that I've lost in the path of time. The never-ending path of time which I've wished that I've never started, or stopped in my tracks at some place. Time, the greatest factor in the reason why many of us forgot so many things and also why we lost our way because we could not deal with whatever was in the tracks. Hope everyone will be able to find the own songs and the correct paths in time in their lives. Let us live and find the way to backtrack.

Endless Waltz

For people who has not heard of the above title. It is simply a name for an extension of a anime serial that has been showed a very long time ago. In the past, I had always thought that it was just a cool name for a anime since the word 'waltz' sounds so weird to me. However, when i watched the show recently, and also touched on the same words again, it gave me a thought about the meaning about the word.

The story is screened in the future world, where the human population is living in space, creating what is known as colonies for people to live in. Yet, there are two factions which are fighting. The current one which is ruling the world as of the start of the story, and one secret faction which built up it's own super robot and soldiers, which consists of 5 main individuals, to fight against the thinking of the current ruler of the world. The story ended in the whole serial, and the movie endless waltz is about the re-living of someone who wishes to start the whole settled event again. And with this comes the reason on how I got the thought.

In the movie, the screen is about the total control of the world, and the main goal of them is to take over Earth, which is the main obstruction in their quest for total domination. However, this is just another plan which, in the case of the secret faction, is just something which is a total waste of human lives. The war that will be fought, the sacrificing of unnecessary lives due to careful planning of the opposing party. Which will be what they will say as the endless waltz. Waltz being the classic dance which is danced in the better society. This is what that is said, getting the poorer to suffer by dancing waltz endlessly. The people above will do the waltz, leaving the poor people to suffer due to the lack of them doing anything else. Is this gonna be what the world is going to walk to? Or is this going to be what the world is going to be, fighting each other for the sake of revenge and anti-revenge? Will the tragic incidents that has happened in the past and recent past happen once again in our lives? Will this waltz carry on forever and ever, leaving the poor and helpless to suffer everytime?

Boring Life

After living in this world for quite a long time, around two decades, i feel that my life is a bit too monotonous. Everyday doing the same old thing, going through the same old attitude, living in the way which my life hates the most. This kind of living makes me feel the most bored. As much as i wish not to admit it, i know that this is going to be my future in life, being a slave of money, having to slog my guts out for the pittance that i need to survive. Wishing to find the solace that will never appear in my life and the peace that will never been unto me in my life.

This is the main reason why i have always hated life and the way in which the world works. Is this really the evolution of man, or is this the devolution of humanity? Sometimes all these really makes me wonder which is really the truth and which is the false. Excitement about the fact on living in the past is now just a dread which i hate to come. Blood pumping about growing up is now a growing hatred for the time coming. Is this really what i had wished for in my life and the soul which is being eaten away by the world which is pumping mindlessness onto me? How i wished now that i was never a human. Suddenly i wish that i can grow old, so old that i know that life is leaking out from my feeble body, letting myself get drowned in the fact that i am going to leave this world. Hope that this is the best path in my life.

Mindless Droning

Feels extremely empty recently. Getting to the extent of not even knowing what am i doing or why am i doing all those that i am doing. I may not even know what i'm currently writing on this blog. I may forget that this post even existed in the first place. How i wish that my droning will end someday and cease this seemingly endless torment that is bugging around me almost everytime.

Getting tired of many stuff that is in my mind recently. Feels like my mind and soul is slowly being drained off from myself. Getting so weak now i cannot even understand myself why. Is this really part of life? Is this why so many people starts to become more conservative when they age? I really do not have the heart and the andrenaline to cope with the upcoming risks and fun that i'd love when i'm just a little bit younger. Is this the fact that the place i'm in emphasis too much on safety and regimentation that i too am affected by this trend? I really do not understand.

Droning on and on,makes me feel that my soul is so empty,so much so that it craves and hungers for the one thing that fills the soul. Is this really what people call being empty? No fulfilment or sense of belonging to anything in this world. Making me feel so alien and unknown in this world of endless infinity.

Thoughtless and Unfeelingness

Been feeling strange recently. I really couldn't think of anything of feel any feelings. Really wonder whether this is is just because i do not have the mood to do anything, or is this just another phase in my life that makes me feel so lethargic and brain-drained...

Have been really going through my life in this sense, which has been giving so much time and energy into doing meaningless stuffs that i would not have given so much care into until now. Is this the turning point in my life that is going to change so much in my life? Or is this going to be just yet another unbeaten path down my life journey that i am just experiencing for the sake of having nothing to do? Somehow i just get too confused to think about it.

Wish that i have many more options in life that i can go through. My current life, and lifestyle, is changing my mind into what Singapore is trying to make people become,a mindless individual that only knows what is follwing orders and helping the country. I just feel that my time are being wasted in this place. How i wish i can get out, find the place i really wish to go, and forget the fact that i've ever been in this place. Maybe i'm wrong in this concept, but this is really what i personally feel to be like in this position that i am in. Being trapped in the bottom, having to help like the trapped trappers, and getting blamed when something goes wrong. How i wish that this concept in life will change. Blooming into one which allows for more thoughts and ideas to be given out. This will be a virtually impossible dream in my life. But no matter what, i will work my goal towards this unknown destiny that i wish to make.

Kinship? My Foot!

Guess that this is going to be my 1st post not on my thoughts or feelings. Had a really huge quarrel with my mother recently. This quarrel is one which really made me think what exactly is the relationship with your family and relatives. For those who knew what happened to me will know why am i thinking it that way. Really wonder,what really constitutes to a kin's real relationship? Is it one which contains hatred,lack of understanding over each other? Or is it the fact that there's only one party who's giving and the other taking it for granted,just because they are more senior? Is this really the family that i'm in,one so different from my idea of relationship? I really do not know. Everyone knows that there's a limit to tolerance,so why must they keep pushing it more and more? I had not wanted for anything to even happen,why must there be one who would always keep forcing me to become so cold,so cold that i don't even remember myself anymore? I really do not wish for so many things,why?!?!!


Yet another sad story,finding that i had to go through all these things. Good thing i still have a place of solace outside home. One more thing,i think i'm gonna be gone from my home soon. Having so many problems,i don't think that there will ever be anymore hope in staying in that family anymore. I can't even feel the warmth in that place anymore. Never do i wish to even find another place where i will find such a thing again.

Lonely

Met with quite a few relationship problems recently.Relationship problems not as in love n stuff like that,it's about all sorts of stuff due to friendship n kinship. I find that i do have a lot of friends. Yet,i really cannot figure out who are really true to me and who are those that will help you in your face but stab you in your back. Suddenly and surprisingly,i found that i'm quickly becoming a loner. One who finds that he/she have had lost many friends. Those that were close are now only acquaintances. Those that were acquaintances don't even greet each other even when they meet each other now. Scary feelings now start to creep up onto people. I wonder if this is what is happening between relationships in human now? In the past,i hear from my tutors that life during the schooling time is the best,the most fun,the one where you find your true friends. Yet i seem to be finding more and more lies that have been creeping up.


Really,are all these going to be part of life now? I even find that i do not even feel about losing all the friends. Is this what it's going to become,an emotionless world filled with lies for selfish gains that is going to bring harm to those who people care so much about?


What is loneliness? is this the best solution to avoid being hurt nowadays? Is this going to be the root for the emotionless world that may be happening? Will there be more and more of those people who would do anything to gain their selfish needs and less and less people who will really care for those around them? What is life now man? I really feel the near future filled with so much dread that i really do not know what i really wish for. This dread is making me think that life is really a torture,giving us so much pain and harm that i really do not think that there should be more lives born in this world. Perhaps this is a good time for humans to start thinking whether they should continue to reproduce or should they simply just stop,and let humans die out,letting there be less of those who would get hurt and more of those who need to be salvaged. This is really the scary part,having so much scars and so little technology to cure them.